"If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron." –
"My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch."
"There is a Mexican for you – always a day late" – after his ball finished next the day's previous hole location at Sun City
"You dont know what pressure is until you are playing for $5.00 a hole when you only have to $2.00 in your pocket"